I think the things on my mind right now are just pent up feeling I never had the time or chance to express and explore and since I have time now with spring break they are all coming out. I have to deal with all this anxiety that my best friend will forget about me because he has a new boyfriend, the constant counting and worrying about what the scale will say the next morning and the constant self loathing every morning knowing I am a slave to the scale and the number it tells me. Some mornings it just doesn’t even work and I just take that as a sign from God I need to stop and I know that sounds silly but when things don’t work out or just plain don’t work at all I take it as a sign from God and now I’m just rambling but no one is reading this so whatever. I’m tired of having to be on the constant look out for “safe” food and if it’s not safe then I have to plan when I can run to get that specific amount of calories off my body. It all just sucks. I just really hope all this will be worth it.
I’m sick of feeling like a need a boyfriend. I honestly don’t even want one at all for the first time in a long time. They just seem pointless and if I can’t deal with myself how is someone else supposed to? If its supposed to happen it will and if it doesn’t its not supposed to be.
